Big, Fat, Dissapointing 15 Miler

Saturday's Long Run:
When I set out to run my 17 miles yesterday morning (thank you for all the suggestions by the way, I agreed that 17 was probably the way to go!) I was feeling a bit nervous. I didn't sleep well, and my stomach was churning. I was worried that this would be my first bad long run of training season. Why? Well my legs were still kind of sore, I've been having problems with my shins, and I think I ate too much pasta Friday night :)

So I set out to run my 15 mile out and back, with an addition of 2 miles at the beginning. It was just horrible from start to finish. Up until about mile 10, I was okay, but not great. I had to keep taking walk breaks, which is something I rarely do.

Around mile 13 I had a mini meltdown when I started to doubt myself and my ability to actually complete this marathon. I started thinking about all of the people who know I'm training, and how stupid I would feel if at the last minute I wasn't able to do it. Or even worse, if I got to race day and had a run just like this one, where everything was just off. But what made me most upset, was how much I wanted this run (and this training in general) to go well, and how much I actually want to accomplish this marathon. I would be absolutely devastated if something happens and after all this training I still don't make it.

I kept going back and forth over whether I could continue on my route and finish up 17, walking where I had to, or if I should just cut it short and head home to make 15.

I decided that cutting it short was what I needed to do, and finally around the 14 mile mark, I had a little inspiration come my way.

Carolina Liar's "Show Me What I'm Looking For" came on my iPod, and the lyrics could not have been more perfect for what I needed to hear at that moment:

Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for

Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I’ve learned to love abuse
Please show me what I’m looking for...

I love Carolina Liar, and this song is one of my faves. It definitely gave me that extra push that I needed to finish up my run and made me realize that not every run will be perfect. For your viewing pleasure:

Carolina Liar - New Music - More Music Videos

After my craptastic run, I took an ice bath and then made some really great oatmeal! I used oats, 1/2 scoop soy vanilla protein powder, cinnamon, honey,milk & water, strawberries and a scoop of natural PB. This is my new favorite breakfast, I also had some this morning.


Today is my day off from running, and I have some serious studying to do tonight. I have been working on my weekend's to-do list, and got a lot accomplished on cleaning the apartment. We also went to the grocery store for this week's groceries, and spent a little bit more than last week, $84.77. But still not too bad considering we bought a few more things that were needed this week. Hopefully next week we can be back in the $60 range.

Thanks for everyone's support and input on my training, I need all the help I can get! It's getting closer and I hope that I can continue to improve and will feel 100% on race day. :) Hope everyone had a great weekend!